Thursday 1 September 2011

What an embarrasment!

I owe a huge apology to several friends and acquaintences who I met at the New Vic last night! Six of us had gone to see "A Comedy of Eric's" - another cunning plot to weave 60's and 70's pop songs into a storyline involving William Shakespeare staying with Uncle Eric and Aunt Madge at the Talke Inn!


We have been regular devotees of this group of performers who over the years have packed the New Vic with ageing rockers like us who need no encouragement to clap, wave their arms about and rock in the asles. But not me last night! Why? Well it was rather like the case of the exploding trousers!

Well not quite. Just before the show stated I toddled off to the boy's room. Then, much to my horror my zip disintegrated - not simply jammed but actually fell apart. And there was no way of repairing it. A gaping trouser front! Thankfully, I'd taken a jacket with me so I left the gents with my jacket strategicaly held in front of me only to be greeted by Janet who asked "Why are you holding your jacket like that?" in a voice that carried to the entire queue. So I had to whisper to her what had happened whereupon she burst in fits of laughter and immediately told the friends we were with in a voice that carried..etc. etc..... And then they burst into fits of laughter.

At least, I thought, I'll be alright once I'm in the theatre sitting down and hidden amongst other members of the audience. But no! Because we only bought our tickets a couple of weeks ago and needed six in a row, our seats were in row D behind the band and in total isolation from the rest of the audience. (The New Vic is, of course, in the round) No one in front to hide me. And I'm convinced that absolutely everyone in the audience was more interested in staring at my nether regions than what was happening on stage.

And then the moment I was dreading. After the interval, the inevitable happened. The entire audience got to their feet and started dancing! Except me, of course. I had to remain seated and look animated by doing some rather enthusiastic clapping movements. Had I stood up I'm sure I would have been arrested.

So apologies to  Richard Nadin, David Heywood, Neil Arrowsmith, Mick Jones and a couple of other friends I saw there last night. They all must have thought I'd lost the plot. Instead of being my usual self, I was extremely abrupt in order to extricate myself from any lengthy conversation and hurry to a dark corner covering myself with my jacket. I'll have to apologise to them next time I see them - if they're still speaking to me after I've been so rude!


2 comments:

Jamie said...

Wonderful blog post Richard - I felt your embarrassment! I had a similar excruciating experience at the New Vic Theatre last year. Despite going to the gent's before taking my seat, I found myself literally bursting for the toilet only about 30 minutes into the performance. Could have been that whisky and ginger I suppose...

I was sat right at the front, legs touching the 'stage'. Despite crossing my legs, trying mind control, anything, I could bear it no longer. I made a dash for it. Back the way I'd come in.

The only trouble was, the doors were locked and, being in the round, I'd effectively wandered backstage.

I fumbled around in a bit of a panic before literally bumping into the male lead, who grabbed me by the arm and asked me what the hell I was doing. I was passed to security and frog-marched around the edge of the back-stage area, nodding and smiling apologetically at other cast members, many in the middle of costume changes, as I passed.

An absolute nightmare and one of the most embarrassing nights of my life.

I haven't been back to the New Vic since. I wonder why!

RICHARD STEVENS said...

Jamie, What have we started here?! If these embarrassing incidents have happened to the two of us, there must be a host of similar or even more embarrassing moments out there to be told!! I thought your situation only happened to old men like me! I should leave out the ginger next time.

And please don't let that one incident stop you from going to the New Vic again. There are some fantastic shows there. We are so lucky to have a theatre of this quality right on our doorstep.